Bad Romance
by sleipnirfenris
Summary: Tonks is hopelessly in love with Remus Lupin but is getting nowhere.  Here's why.  Takes place at the end of HBP in the Hospital Wing.  Warning: allusions to Yaoi


Title: Bad Romance

Characters: Remus/Sirius, Tonks and others

Genre: angst/romance/friendship

Disclaimer: Don't own, never will, belongs to JKR and Bloomsbury get some credit I guess.

Summary: Tonks has been chasing Remus since she met him, yet she has been getting nowhere. Why? not anything to do with Gaga's song. Just fitting. Canon setting,

Warnings: Slash, slight swearing, Tonks bashing

* * *

BAD ROMANCE

The world was dark. The skies were dark, smeared with the mist of breeding dementors. The Muggles could see it. They could see the fug growing thick in the air, swirling in a miasma of cold, wretched fear. The world was growing frigid whilst the war was hotting up. Last year seemed like Cake compared to this. To say it was only just beginning was an understatement. The war was well and truly in full swing. No one was safe. Not even Hogwarts.

Hogwarts School of Witch Craft and Wizardry had been a safe haven for all those who dwelt within the Castle Walls. There was no one on Earth (perhaps beside Harry Potter) that Voldemort feared more than Albus Wulfric Percival Brian Dumbeldore. The Headmaster who had been deposed last year had stepped firmly back into the driving seat of the school, including the Order of the Phoenix. Dumbeldore allayed the fears of the students and of the Professors who attended the school. He damped the terrors of the parents who allowed their children to return to their education. He stemmed the darkness from sneaking into the Castle with wards and a fearsome presence. Even those allied with the great wizard did not want to cross him: some because they feared punishment; others because they feared disappointment. Dumbledore was many things to many different people. There was no denying he was the best thing to happen to Hogwarts and the Wizarding World in general.

Remus John Lupin's chest heaved with exertion. They had arrived late to carnage. By the time the dregs of the Order had been summoned, battle had already commenced at Hogwarts. Children, young teens and those younger who were brave, battled for their lives, and their school. No one knew what had happened with details. No one knew how the Death Eaters had managed to storm the Castle. No one knew where they had gone either. They had appeared out of nowhere, from what he could gather. The information was scant and dry at best. Remus managed only to get a few students to speak with him, for he was a werewolf after all. Not all were as open minded as his friends had once been. Not everyone was James and Sirius. Nearly everyone required medical attention excluding Harry's friends. Somehow they got through the whole thing unscathed. Spells, literally, flew millimetres past their beings. Luck was definitely on their side.

Remus's heart sank terribly at the thought of Sirius Orion Black. His once best friend and lover was gone. Bellatix Black had murdered him, forcing his body beyond the mysterious vale located deep within the Department of Mysteries at the Ministry of Magic. It had pained him to hold Harry back for the young land had not realised the danger of the veil. It had torn him up inside not to follow. It had been agony to lose him. Sirius, Padfoot, had been his entire world. The love he felt for him was indescribable. Sirius had completed his soul. He was his mate, literally his other half, his completion. His death made something snap inside. His death made something die inside of Remus. Moony was gone. His amusing, mischievous, fighting spirit had withered. He had nothing left in the world but Harry. Harry was the only reason he kept fighting.

The most logical location to go next was the Hospital Wing. He walked through the corridors of the school in a part daze, yet with perfect clarity. His werewolf senses were on high alert in case a Death Eater remained, lurking in the shadows. As Alistair Moody always growled gruffly, 'Constant Vigilance!' was the only way. People died with their backs turned. People died whilst they blinked. Remus swiped angrily at his eyes. There was no use crying over Sirius now. Focus damnit! Focus.

Movement was spied out of the corner of his eye. Carefully, wand at the ready, he approached a sprawled mass. Haste quickened his limbs as he realised those before him had missed this poor soul when they gathered the injured up, escorting them to the Hospital Wing. Carefully, Remus gathered the girl up, not bothering to ask her name or what was wrong, and continued towards his initial destination. "We'll get you fixed up in no time. Don't worry," He said, ignoring the wince and the mutter of 'werewolf', followed by a vague 'thank you', as though that could make up for the previous comment.

The atmosphere was icy. Remus stopped dead for a moment. It chilled him to his bones. He shivered in his thin, raggy clothes and stepped forwards. Close to everyone he laid the girl down. "Poppy..." He started before trailing off. Shock seized his focal folds with an iron fist. There, on the bed, lay Albus Dumbledore. Grief welled with him. Sorrow permeated his pours. Hopeless filled him up to the brim and overflowed. This wasn't just 'a soldier down'. This was their leader. This was their driving force. This was their hope and their brains and their protection. The Order of the Phoenix was no longer an army of good guys spear headed by wisdom and power. The Order of the Phoenix was scraps of the Wizarding World. They were a scant collection of a few good men, fighting the rising dark swelling around them. They were being swallowed whole. What could they do now that their hope was gone? What chance did Harry have? What did any of them have? Dumbledore was the only thing keeping Voldemort out of Hogwarts. Hogwarts was no longer safe.

"Poppy there's a new patient," he said only out of duty. His voice was distant, eyes glued to the still, cooling form of Albus Dumbedlore. "What...?"

"We don't know yet," Moody growled. "Snape has something to do with it. And that Malfoy kid. They aren't accounted for,"

"Maybe they're...casualties," Remus replied. He had to hold onto the slimmest lie if possible. Most of Remus knew such notions were a lie, but jumping to conclusions had tangled them in a sticky web the first time. Such jumps saw himself the traitor, saw Sirius the traitor, saw Peter to be innocent as pie (the Bastard).

Moody stalked. "Unlikely," He grumbled.

Remus stood like the rest of them. Poppy excused herself to tend her rounds. Minerva stood staring at her long time friend and boss. Tonks was there too, crying. Remus kept his distance. The girl didn't know what no meant. She didn't know 'not interested' even though he could have slapped her in the face with it. She didn't understand that she just was completely wrong for him and even if she wasn't, now wasn't the time. If she wasn't, it could never be anyway. For an Auror, she was a little dense about this. They had been careful about their relationship, yes, but there had been clues. Remus knew Moody knew, Dumbledore knew everything and Minerva had her knowing looks and ways. Hermione had figured it out and told Ginny - and was sworn to secrecy. Remus had an inkling feeling that the twins and those blasted expendable ears (marvellous inventions his dying Marauder thought), had overheard some things they shouldn't have. Remus didn't want to advertise it. Sirius hadn't wanted to lose his reputation. They had their reasons. Most of all, their relationship hadn't been anyone's business.

Remus felt a tear wiped away. Tonks in her infinite sadness had gently traced away the salty drops from his cheeks and cupped his face. Turning his head, he walked away. How many more times? Frustration dribbled into the damp chill of hopeless grief. He refused to see her eyes well up again, her hurt expression and accusing eyes. She followed. Of course she did. You had to admire her persistence, if only a little, for she did have the makings of an Auror inside, even though she wasn't a particularly good one. She was muttering in his ear:

"Remus..."

"Not now Tonks,"

"But look at them!" she hissed indicating Bill and Fleur.

That was when he noticed Fleur Delacour tending to Bilius Weasley who was sporting nasty, and familiar looking scars.

"Greyback," Bill said in way of explanation when he saw Remus looking at him. "Apparently the lack of full moon doesn't get in the way of mauling people,"

Remus winced. "I am sorry Bill," He could feel Tonks bouncing on the balls of her feet to regain his attention. There were some things he couldn't give her - why couldn't she understand that? Even if he had fancied her, which he didn't, even if he had been bisexual (which he wasn't), he was still too hung up on Sirius to do anything, and he was too old, too poor, too dangerous, too broken (ain't that the truth) for someone as young and as whole as Nymphadora Tonks.

"I know," Bill replied. "Do you think...?"

"I can't say for sure. I'd hedge a guess at no, but...you should take precautions just in case. No one knows how potent the curse is," Remus replied, looking at Bill empathetically. The scars would fade with time, but would never be truly gone. There was no curing wolf wounds, human or animal form. Something about the nature of werewolves prevented conventional means of healing.

Remus didn't really noticed Harry come in. He was too busy trying to pretend Tonks wasn't now pulling on his tatty sleeve and continuing to argue with him on the fly. It was only when the boy stopped very near them that he noticed his presence. He shrugged himself gently from Tonks. "No," He told her softly. He liked the girl, he really did. She was sweet, but there were too many things in the way: his sexuality for one. He wasn't going to lie about it. He never had. He wasn't going to start now. Remus had hidden his entire life, but he shouldn't have to hide with these people. He had run from himself more so than anyone else in the world. He had only ever felt safe with James and Sirius and Lily and Dumbledore and Minerva and Poppy...

"Are you alright Harry?" Remus asked.

"No..." Harry Choked. "Dumbledore..." He trailed off, spotting the body.

"Physically Harry. Are you injured?" He clarified. No one was 'All right, right now'.

"Yeah," he said distractedly. "I can't believe Snape killed him,"

"What?" Came the burst from many, with a grumbling 'I knew it!' from Moody.

"Apparently Voldemort had challenged Malfoy to kill Dumbledore but he couldn't do it. Snape stepped in and did it himself," Harry explained. "He begged for his life!" He cried angrily, wanted nothing more than to kill Snape. He had chased him, but apparently potions weren't the only thing the slimy bat was good at. He knew the reason his sudden jump in potion proficiency had been down to himself! He had demanded the book and when he failed, watched Harry with those creepy coal black eyes. He had been scheming the entire time! Dumbeldore had trusted him! He should have heeded those around him, who had warned him of Snape's treachery. It was during Harry's inner monologue that the frustrations between Remus, Tonks and a nosy Molly who had been pestering Remus when Tonks wasn't, exploded.

Remus was too tired to feel angry about the situation. He was feeling a little miffed that Molly Weasley considered his, or Tonks's for that matter, love life her business. It wasn't anyone's business unless he happened to be involved with someone - which he technically no longer was. Remus had given Tonks a thousand excuses and she still didn't understand. That was all too evident from her outburst of

"Fleur doesn't care!"

This wasn't about Bill and Fleur though was it? This was about Remus and Dora and their relationship was entirel different. To Remus, it was platonic; to Tonks, it held a spark which, unkonwn to her, the elder male just didn't feel. He was too numb to feel much of anything anymore.

"I've told you. I'm too old, too poor, too dangerous and too broken Tonks," Remus said wondering if he should have just told her he was gay and saved him all this trouble. Part of him believed it would have worked, but the rest figured she'd just have taken it as a bigger challenge and tried harder. Besides, his sexuality was not her business. Why was he coming off as the bad guy here? He was the one being emotionally and sexually harassed.

Everyone was staring. The whole Order, Harry and his friends. How humiliating.

"Remus, now is exactly the time for hope and love and to cherish what we have," Molly butted in.

"I know that you mean well Molly..." but she cut him off, going on about how Tonks had shown her interest ever since she joined the Order and that he should just get over himself and get on with it. How crude, Remus thought, when he had the chance to process the words pouring from an overbearing, caring woman's mouth. She was a meddler - why didn't she see that?

"Remus, Fleur doesn't care. I don't care about any of those things," Tonks pleaded.

"Well I do," Remus said with an air of finality. Why must it be now? Dumbledore was dead, he was grieving, they all were and there was the bitter sting of betrayal. Snape was a Death Eater after all and was one the loose - and he knew the Order's Secrets. The Headquarters were no longer safe. With the death of Dumbledore the Fidelus Charm was broken. Anyone could see his beloved Sirius's dreaded home. Remus childishly prayed she would disappear from his sight. Everyone was looking at him expectantly.

"But it's all just excuses Remus! Just one giant excuse so you don't have to..."

"Have to what Molly?" Remus cut in. "I'm too tired for this. This isn't an appropriate time but if we must do this now because Molly Weasley sees it fit then I guess we will,"

"Remus that isn't fair," Admonished Arthur.

"Now see here Remus..."

"No Molly. No," Remus said. "I'm done with this. I like you Tonks, you're a nice girl and I've told you time again that I am not interested, that my answer is no. Did you honestly think a public forum would force me to change my mind?" Remus said, still delaying the truth.

Tonks looked at him with a childish pout on her face. Her mousy brown hair was hanging all over the place in an unattractive manner. "I was hoping it would pressure you into revealing the truth. I was hoping it would pressure you into revealing you do want this - me!" She cried, approaching him with tears in her eyes.

Remus sighed and looked at her sadly. "We can never be Nymphadora. I have told you that time and time again,"

"Why not?" She pushed

"Because I'm gay, Tonks,"

She pushed away from him in shock. "G-ay?" She questioned softly. Ron looked like he was going to faint.

Remus shrugged. Most of them were wearing a shocked expression.

"Who-?"

"Sirius,"

Then it was Harry's turn for his eyes to bulge. He stormed towards Remus yelling. "Why didn't you tell me!"

"Because it was none of your business Harry," Remus said softly.

"How could it not be! He was my Godfather!"

"And my long-term lover. My sexuality is no one's business but my own. If I did not wish to disclose it I did not have to. I did not wish to now,"

"Ashamed?" Harry spat. "Ashamed that..."

"Stop right there Harry," Remus cut in harsh. "It was private. Personal. Deep. Oh Dawlish don't look like that. It's not like you looked at Dumbeldore like that,"

The level of shock increased. Tonks and Molly slapped him across the face at that moment. The crack was loud and distinct in the Hospital Wing.

"Enough!" exclaimed a shrill voice. "Remus was right. Now is not the time. We have a funeral to prepare," said the new Headmaster of Hogwarts, looking sadly towards her long time friend and boss.

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_**''And e'en the dearest-that I loved the best-**_

_**Are strange-nay, rather stranger than the rest.''**_

_ John Clare_


End file.
